you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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