You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Houston, we have a squirter
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
the liver wants what the liver wants
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
