Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
