Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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