since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
