then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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