If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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