I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
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The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
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my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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