I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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