I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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