I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
