sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
