Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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