you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
