My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
