I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Is it because I queefed?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
