you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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