I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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