I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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