I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He? As in you personified your dick?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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