She said her name was "party"
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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