Kiss
Puke
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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