I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
