I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
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I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
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Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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