I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
