I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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