the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
