You're completely useless in the revolution.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
