Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
