How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
