You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
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I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
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there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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