I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
