I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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