You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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