i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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