I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
