I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
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There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
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We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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