she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
