Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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