sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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