her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
