dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
