I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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