yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
