she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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