they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
