dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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