this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
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and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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