i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
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