Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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