i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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