1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
