I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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