I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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