I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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