Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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