Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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