Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
