And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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