How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
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