let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
