Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
