I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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